Lobbing shots at the walls of eternity

So my exams are on the way, how utterly grand.

I could say that I'm in state of complete panic, but I'm not. I could say that I'm completely ambivalent about it, but I'm not. If I were to try and select a word that articulated the way I felt, it would probably be 'tired.'

I've been battling this tiredness with regular doses of firearms. There's something incredibly soothing about firearms, even virtual ones you aim with your mouse. I've a friend who once told me that firing big guns was essentially a phallic metaphor for wanting to be more of a man, which is to me, incredibly disturbing, not because I'm afraid I may be trying to compensate for something, but rather that people can link sex to anything at all. When I'm sniping terrorists from ~100 meters with a Beretta RX4 or turning a corner with a HK MP5 in my hands ready to pop some evildoers, I'm not thinking about how much I'd like to bone something. At all. Furthest thought from my mind.

I play games to have fun, and shooting AI enemies who shoot back is fun. Shooting said enemies over multiplayer with friends is fun. Sex is fun. (possibly) Somehow I completely fail to see how the two could possibly be related, even on the most primordial level, unless of course I spend more time reading Freud or Jung and find out that it actually is, and I will be forced to stop playing video games in order to stop ending up like this man.

It occurs to me that it's Merdeka eve, and I don't feel compelled at all to include some sort of patriotic flag wave towards our country. The most affection I feel for the place I live is that I adore KL as a city but wish I could take it without the rest of the place attached, kind of like a package where you dipose of the styrofoam and keep the product. I don't mean to slight my fellow Malaysians, but it's easy to see that not all is well in Candyland, no, not even in the Minty Mountains, or the Rainbow River. It's easy I suppose to point upwards and go 'ho ho, you lot suck' and I'm not the overly cynical type that exarcerbates and overanalyzes every last detail and whim, but it's out in plain sight, really.

I'll give you an example. Recently, there was a terrorist attack in Iraq. The target of the attack was not the US Army, or the Iraqi police, or any such usualities; rather, more than 500 civilian men, women, children, were bombed to death for being the wrong religion.

And on the same day, the front page of The Star read: Negaraku rapper will not be forgiven for trespasses against society, including creating social unrest, and sedition. The cabinet intends to revoke his citizenship. Apology not acceptable.

Perspective is such a wonderful thing.